Embracing Our Scars
Growing by Remembering
My wife and I started dating when we were both seventeen. Two young teenagers, who knew nothing about the world, soon found out we were madly in love. My wife must have really been drawn to me because I was totally self-absorbed during our first date. After going to our high school’s varsity basketball game, we were sitting in my parents’ car at the favorite teenage burger drive-in. My future wife noticed a scar on my hand and asked how I got it. I proceeded to tell her all about how impetuous and stupid I had been, which resulted in a deep cut that produced the scar. She seemed to really enjoy the story, so I went on to tell her about many other scars – even lifting my pant leg to show her a “gnarly” scar on my shin. I talked about my scars for about half an hour. I don’t remember how the subject changed, but I’m pretty sure my future wife changed it to talk about something besides my scars. But get this! She agreed to go out on a second date!
Scars Define Us
In certain ways, our scars define us. They are reminders of our wounds that have healed in some way. We all have scars – physical, emotional, and spiritual. Most of the time, we try to cover them up. We don’t want to be reminded of the circumstances and pain we went through that created them. We would like to forget that they ever happened.
However, scars actually help us grow. Scars allow us to both look back and to look ahead. A man named Jacob had a life full of scars. We don’t know much about his physical scars, but the Bible tells us of scars of deceit, favoritism, betrayal, and fear. He was even given a scar directly by God — the most important scar of all. In fact, that scar changed Jacob forever – changed his name and his entire future. God wounded him, leaving a legacy scar that impacted an entire people.
Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he could not defeat him, he struck Jacob’s hip socket as they wrestled and dislocated his hip. Then he said to Jacob, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
“What is your name?” the man asked. “Jacob,” he replied.
“Your name will no longer be Jacob,” he said. “It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed.”
Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.”
But he answered, “Why do you ask my name?” And he blessed him there.
Jacob then named the place Peniel, “For I have seen God face to face,” he said, “yet my life has been spared.”
The sun shone on him as he passed by Penuel, limping because of his hip.
-- Genesis 32:24-31 CSB
Scars Remind Us
With Jacob as our example, we can see that scars help us grow in four major ways.
1. Scars remind us of our resilience. A scar symbolizes that we have gone through something painful and harmful and have come out the other side. We have suffered the pain and have been healed in some way. We have been hurt, but we are still alive. We have been knocked down, but we’ve gotten back up. We have endured! We have lived out the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
2. Scars remind us that we need healing. They are a reminder of what has happened to us, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Unfortunately, some people have wounds that have not yet healed. We can’t really call these scars, because they are still open wounds. They have not healed. Looking at our scars reminds us that the open wounds we still have or those we will experience in the future need to be healed. Our scars can be a reminder and motivator to move through a healing process with our open wounds – whatever they may be.
We sometimes need the help of others for healing to happen. We sometimes need medical personnel to help with physical healing. And we may also need help with the healing of our emotional and spiritual wounds. Of course, the Holy Spirit is the great healer. That is who we need to go to first in helping us heal. But God also uses other humans as “wound healers.” Pastors, counselors, and other mature Christ Followers who can walk with us and help us through our healing process. Most deep wounds need help with healing. If you currently have a deep, open emotional or spiritual wound, I encourage you to begin the healing process by asking the Lord to help you heal. But also, seek a trusted person to walk alongside you, offering support, encouragement, and advice.
3. Scars remind us that adversity helps us grow stronger. Going through adversity and pain is not pleasant. In fact, it is downright awful. However, when we walk “through the valley of the shadow of death” and emerge on the other side, we are stronger. Looking at our scars can help us negotiate our current pain and woundedness. We can look back through the lens of reflection and see how stronger we are now as a result of the hurt and pain we experienced. Scars remind us of that.
4. Scars remind us of what to avoid in the future. Scars also serve as warning signs. As we consider the source of our scars, we can know what to avoid in the future. Sometimes, adversity and pain cannot be avoided. Sometimes they blindside us. However, often they can be avoided. Scars help in that respect. They remind us of a journey that was, at best, unpleasant, and possibly downright awful—a journey to be avoided in the future.
Seeing Our Scars Through Eyes of Faith
We don’t like to look at scars. They are ugly. They often bring back the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the betrayal. So, we avoid them. Yet, looking at our scars can help us look at the reality of life. Life is not fair! We are fallen people, living among other fallen people, in a fallen world. Yet, when we look at our scars through eyes of faith, we see the most important scars ever — the scars of our Savior.
Jesus told Thomas to “Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe!”(John 20:27 NLT). The scars of our Lord led Thomas to respond with “My Lord and my God!” (John 20:28 NLT). Our personal scars help us grow, but the scars of Jesus let us believe. They are a reminder of how much he suffered on the cross because of his great love for us.
Scars help us see reality. The reality of our own lives – what has made us stronger because we endured and survived. The reality of a Savior who was willing to suffer not only physical pain, but humiliation and shame because he loves us so much.
Next time we notice one of our scars, let us think about the scars of Jesus. They are there because he loves us beyond anything we can understand or comprehend!
I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. — Ephesians 3:17a-19 CSB